the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
