I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
