Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
