I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
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You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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