Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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