i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
