I accidentally burped into my bong.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
COCAINE IS GR8
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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