you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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