I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
