That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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