All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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