what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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