dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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