the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
