grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
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