i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
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