Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
