So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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