u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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