I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
