is your mom at the bar?
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
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It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
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I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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