So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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