Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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