i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
