i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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