HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
