i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize