Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
