I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
