she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
