Me. At least after what I've been through.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
