I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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