I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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