i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
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I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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