I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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