so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
