My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You can't just leave with hair like that
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
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