mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
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