I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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