People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
