hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
