so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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