He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
