if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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