my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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