did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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