going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
