I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
