Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You made out with two different species that night
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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