only you would photoshop your dick
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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