She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
