No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
