You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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