My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
