we have officially lost it.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
