you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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