What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
