K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
