Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
