You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
