Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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