She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Even my vagina gasped.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
