I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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