epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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