I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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