you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
