I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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