there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
