OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize