i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
