why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
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Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
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let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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