yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
My life is pants optional.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
