You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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