Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
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