I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
