remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
