The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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