My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
