Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
