therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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