i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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