I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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