her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize