dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
