That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
