i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
